guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
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Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
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Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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