Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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