mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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