Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
