Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
