Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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