i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
