so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
