she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
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we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
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Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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