walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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