you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
