literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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