He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
