I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize