well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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