so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
