is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
