apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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