Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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