There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
