if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
