wanna go halves on a baby?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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