you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
