this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So vagazzling was a success
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
