You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
