I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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