she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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