note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
How does it feel to date your dad?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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