I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
