He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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