Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
