Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
