I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
