Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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