I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
