Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she peed on how many people?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
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You. Win. At. Life.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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