For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
