Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Enjoy the penises
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
