I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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