i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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