I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
