I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
