he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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