if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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