I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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