I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
