I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
