And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
