I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
operation have a gay friend backfired
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
