Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
