can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
