16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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