Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Floor bacon is actually really good
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
