this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
this hospital has no fireball
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
