she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
