put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
