def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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