quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
