I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
