im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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