oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
