If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
