he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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