All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
