so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
