cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
