Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
