so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
