Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
