she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize