morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
