I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
