Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
